Dear Diary · Rants and Hooplahs

Dear Diary, I’m Best Friends with Procrastination

Dear Diary,

Lately, I have been putting off a lot of things in my life. I would always tell myself that I would get those things started once I feel like it or once I stop being a lazy ass busy. You see, it’s normal for people to–what’s the word? Ah right…–procrastinate. But me? I do it like it’s as normal as breathing. And that’s what’s wrong!

There are a lot of things I put on hold in my life but here are the top of the lists:
1. My driver’s license
2. My writing
3. Lastly, somewhat my schooling

Let’s talk about my driver’s license. I’m not afraid of driving. I’ve learned to let go of that fear after living a few years in a foreign country. I’m afraid of failing the test. Mind you, the test would be Q&A but I’m nervous about it. I never liked tests unless I studied hard for it. Yeah, Schuyler, why don’t you just study? I get distracted a lot and once I’m done studying I feel like I didn’t do enough to pass. This leads to losing my confidence and putting it off once again.

Now, my writing… Even though some people may think that this is not as important, to me it is. To be honest, English is not my first language. I learned it as I was growing up and living in North America. But sometimes I feel like I’m not capable of expressing myself through words. I am more of an doer, someone who is doing the action rather than talking it all out. I can write but I honestly hate it. Essays. UGH. Poetry. DOUBLE UGH

So why write in the first place, Schuyler? Well, it’s one way of proving to myself that I can accomplish anything even when I’m not good at it. It’s one way of telling myself “Hey, I can do that too“. But my thinking and writing process is much longer compared to others out there. Hence, the sort of procrastination of updating chapters in each of my books.

And last but not the least, my schooling. I don’t really procrastinate in that area but sometimes I feel like I do. I have failed a class, twice. Don’t ask it’s really frustrating to be honest and I am trying to move past that and get better. And I have 7-8 classes to finish in order to transfer to another university to finish my program. Now, school here is expensive so I only take 3-4 at most per semester. For some reason, I feel like I am taking my time and I already turned 20 where other people my age are near to finishing their school and moving on to their career. I just feel jealous seeing other students successfully accomplish their dreams when I feel like I’m stuck at the starting point.

Okay, no, I’m not depressed in anyway. I just want to let out my feeling because it’s been with me for almost a year now. I feel blessed to have found work or else this post would’ve been more depressing. If you have any advice on what I should do, comment down below. I wouldn’t mind help from someone who went through to somewhat similar situation as I am.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo,

Schuyler Gabrielle

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